God was perplexed.
“I don’t get it. What is the point, exactly?”
Michael sighed and tried to explain. Again.
“You see, Lord, what they are saying now is that if something can be explained by science, then nobody needs to believe in You”.
“But that simply makes no sense at all. What does one thing have to do with the other? I mean, I do realize how stupid these creatures are, but you are talking about some of the brightest of them all”.
Michael sighed. “I know, Lord”
“After all, Who do they think created all their bloody science in the first place? This is very frustrating. Let me speak to…um… you know, what’s his name, that Italian chap”. Michael sent for Galileo, who appeared instantly.
“Ah, there you are. Good fellow. Now, Galileo, can you explain what the Devil (God chuckled at His own joke, as he is wont to do) are your modern colleagues up to? Don’t they understand that when something has a scientific explanation, it only further adds to my incredible glory and majesty. I mean, really, what is going on here? All you science chappies used to be my biggest fans.”
Galileo bowed in respect and agreement. “Lord, I was speaking to Sir Isaac and a few others only yesterday. We are totally mystified by this Dawkins person and his friends.”
“Well, then, what do you suggest I do. The situation is really becoming quite intolerable.”
Galileo thought for a long moment. “Lord, perhaps if you could help out some of the Intelligent Design people, you know, the ones who are trying to prove your existence scientifically….”
God shook his head emphatically. “No, no, no. Haven’t you read that previous post about why I should never prove my existence? It would destroy free will.”
“Yes, Lord, I did read that post, and I suppose it was somewhat clever. But Lord, you must do something. People are starting to think that they must choose between believing in you and believing science.” Galileo shook his head in concern. “Maybe you should ask Al.”
“I knew you were going to say that. Alright, send him in.” God rested His head in his hands. Talking to Al always gave him a headache.
Al sat down opposite God, and, without any preamble, said, “Either we believe nothing is a miracle, or we believe everything is a miracle.”
“Al, are we going to go through this yet again. Look around you. Where do you think you are? Who do you think I am? EVERYTHING IS A GODDAM MIRACLE, FOR GOD’S SAKE. (When God gets really frustrated he takes his name in a lot of vain.)”
Now being yelled at by God is not a pleasant thing. But Al, as always, took it in stride and didn’t get upset at all. Al was the only person in heaven who still claimed to be an agnostic, which drove God crazy.
In order to calm Him down, Al suggested they play a game. “I brought my own dice,” Al said, but God glowered at him, since that whole dice thing was just a touch….dicey.
“Listen Al, I need advice, I need a proper answer. What should I do?”
“Nothing Lord. The truth will always come out. Your enemies are starting to sound as rigid and unscientific as the Young Earth people. Let them talk, let them publish, they will fade away in time. Right now they appear to be dangerous, but remember, everything is relative.”
Now even though God thought Al was an obnoxious show-off, He also knew that Al was usually right. So God decided to follow this advice and do nothing.
It was the right thing to do. Some years went by, and people began to see that science and faith were not only compatible but complementary and mutually supportive. Even some of the most fervent atheists eventually saw reason, and began to worship the Creator of all of physics, chemistry and biology. One day, God heard a wonderful prayer. “Lord God. If you are there, please help me. Please send me a sign. I know I have sinned and denied you. But I have seen the light. Please fill my heart with Your glory, and show me that your love for me is real.”
God smiled, and His love was overflowing. He spoke directly into the heart of the man who had sent this prayer to heaven. “Of course, my son. I am here for you, and will guide and protect you. Now I would ask you to do something for me. A new book, perhaps. Why don’t we call it The God Solution. Imagine the headlines.”
And so it came to pass.